


Karaoki King

by millygal



Series: Dares [1]
Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 14:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10641927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: The Gene-Genie lives on his back!





	

**Author's Note:**

> The start of my 'Dares' series. It's cracked, it's so very cracked. That's all I can say.

"Chicken. Bwackbwack...Cowardy cowardy custard, couldn't cut the mustard"  
  
Gene slammed to an unsteady halt half way through his own office door. Something about all this felt horribly familiar. Admittedly, he probably couldn't tell you his own name at the moment. What with all the whiskey he'd consumed in the last two hours. Something definitely rang a little too true. Turning slowly, careful not to fall flat on his arse, he glared at Sam who was perched on the edge of his desk.  
  
"No fight"  
  
Gene sniffed "No fight? I'll show you no fight, you pathetic, poncy, piss taking, **poof** "  
  
Sam, who'd also been swimming in booze all night, giggled and almost fell off the desk. "Oh, that's mature, Gene. No need to resort to name calling is there? Anyway, last I looked, you weren't adverse to a bit of cock, yourself"

Gene straightened, almost and leant heavily against the half open door, waving his finger in the general direction of his DI "That, my little bumbandit is besides the point"  
  
Sam giggled again, this time actually sliding from the desk in a heap, landing cross legged and thunking his head against one of the legs "Come on then, macho man. Prove me wrong"

"Fine, I bloody well will" Wobbling his way fully out the office, Gene pushed his hands out in front and felt along every desk between him and the outer door.  
  
Sam Hauled himself off his backside and followed, stumbling over his own feet a few times. This he had to see.

******************

Gene and Sam slammed through the Railway Arms door at the same time, getting themselves stuck. Huffing and puffing and struggling, eventually they freed themselves enough for Gene to fall through the doorway, landing heavily on his knees.

Sam bent double, laughing and holding his sides. Gene could barely focus, he had no idea how he was gonna pull this little stunt off. Sam finally finished laughing, giving little hiccoughed wheezes, and bent down to help the Guv upright.

"Come on twinkletoes, let's get you a stool"  
  
Gene rolled his eyes with disdain and immediately regretted it. Everything in the pub swam. "Ger'off. Ponce"  
  
Sam gave up trying to help and hobbled round the side of the bar, motioning Nelson over with an over-exaggerated wave. "Nes, Nesl...Nelson" "Monbrav?" Sam leant closer, blowing stale booze right up Nelson's nose. "Can I, I mean..we gotta use your thingamy, you know your whatsit that plays those things. Records, that's it. Can we use your cassette player?"

Nelson just waved him on with a shake of the head. Sam looked over towards Gene to see him trying, unsuccessfully, to unbutton his coat. He'd managed so many, then he'd given up, just pulling it down his shoulders. He looked like he was wearing a camel hair straight jacket. Sam stuck his fingers in his mouth and tried to whistle, he only managed to cover them in spittle. Nice. Wiping haphazardly down his shirt, he shouted Gene "Oi, dickhead. Ready?"

"I was born ready, tosser"  
  
Chuckling and shaking his head, Sam leant over and stuck an eight track in the player. The beginning riffs off 'Jean Genie' filled the air around them. 

Gene, still trapped inside his coat, clambered onto the bar. Putting his hands up and turning in a slow circle, he attempted to bow and almost fell off the bar. 

Everyone in the pub had stopped and was staring, open mouthed at the senior officer. He'd missed the first two verses, so with as much tune as possible, Gene started bellowing along to the song and jigging from side to side.

"The Jean Genie lives on 'is backk. The Jean Genieeee loves chimmmey stacksss"  
  
Sam had managed to plonk himself down, cross legged and was swaying from side to side, laughing so hard it was hurting his chest.  
  
"He's outrageous, he screams an' 'e bawls. Jean Genie, let ya'self gooo"

The younger officers didn't quite know what to make of their Guv, stood on a bar, belting out David Bowie, badly. The CID lot were quite happy to join Sam in laughing their arses off, however. Whooping and clapping, egging Gene on.  
  
" 'es so simple mindeddd 'e can't drive 'is module"  
  
Sam couldn't breathe, he was beating his palms on the floor of the pub and crying with laughter.

Gene was waving a foot in the air, wiggling his arse and generally making a complete prat out of himself. As the song went on his voice got louder and louder " 'e bites on the neonnn and lives in the capsuleeee. LOVES TO BE LOVED, LOVED TO BE LOVED" 

He was getting dangerously close the edge of the bar, everytime he wiggled himself forward and then back, the entire pub collectively held its breath. "WoH hOOO. woH HoooO"  
  
Sam was lead flat on his back, legs still crossed, desperately heaving for breath. He didn't think he'd ever seen anything so funny in his entire life.

Just as Gene was piling into the chorus, his eyes rolled up in his head and he stood stock still. Swaying there for a second, Sam watched as he fell forward and landed smack on his face. The entire pub went wild, clapping and laughing and yelling for an encore.

Sam scrabbled to knees and crawled over to Gene's side. Poking him in the back of the head to see if he was still conscious "Feck off ya bastard" Sam plonked his arse down and made himself comfy "So, how'd you like your first outing as a singer then Gene Genie?"  
  
"Told yer I wasn't a chicken din't I?" Waggling a hand in the air above his head, without looking up, Gene pointed to where he thought Sam was sat and said "Next time, it's your turn" and passed out.

  



End file.
